A couple of years ago, a friend invited me to join her Tough Mudder team from her work, and I therefore found myself some months later slogging through mud and climbing up and over wooden and barbed wire structures on a cold and windy day with my friend and a small group of people I didn’t know too well.

It got me thinking, (though to be honest, this is the effect that most experiences in my life have on me.)

Here’s the thing: All of us had paid money to run/scramble/wade/swim through a trench warfare-inspired obstacle course in cold mud. Not only were we all doing this voluntarily, but we had paid money for this. If my friend had called me up and said “hey, a bunch of us are going to go find some open space with a bunch of barbed wire and mud, and kind of run around for a few hours and get really cold. You wanna come?” let’s just say that I would have been significantly less likely to go for it.

I was talking with my brother about this experience recently, and reflecting that something that we all as human beings need and crave is a sense of meaning and purpose, and that undergoing a challenging experience in the company of others, especially as part of a team, is something that we thrive on. A sense of greater meaning and purpose can transform anything into an adventure, and here (at last!) I come to the main thrust of my argument, which is that you are the primary meaning maker in your life. In the Tough Mudder example, we had all signed up for an experience in which we could feel like a team, test our physical and mental edges, and come out at the end with a story to tell, and perhaps a few bragging rights. (While we’re on that subject, I fell off this pretty tall thing and scraped my elbow, and I had an impressive looking bruised-up place on my elbow for a few weeks. No, don’t worry about it—it wasn’t a big deal. I barely felt it.)

What I’m driving at here is that, when I signed up for the Tough Mudder, I was purchasing and opting into a story. I was choosing to go for an experience that felt meaningful to me (in this case, connection with my friends and the chance to challenge myself). The Tough Mudder event was an excuse to tap into a part of me to which I always have access. I have the ability to tap into this part of myself at any time, at no cost. And I can do this every day, no matter what is happening in my life. What if I chose to view challenging experiences in my life as impromptu Tough Mudders, as opportunities to call up my crack team of allies (and/or make new friends), roll up my sleeves, and see what I can do?

At the end of the day, I don’t need to pay money to create meaning in my life. Companies spend a great deal of time, energy, and money on getting and keeping our attention so they can sell us aspirational stories and then show us how their products and services will get us to the life we dream of living.

Value your attention and take back your power. You don’t have to buy meaning, beauty, self-respect, status, adventure, or pleasure. You are the primary meaning maker in your life, so reclaim your power to tell your own story. Tell it well.

Exercise:

1. Find a magazine that’s full of images you love. Find one particular advertisement that speaks to you, that makes your heart ache with I want that so much.
2. Identify where in your body you feel “hooked” by the ad. Is it in your stomach? Your heart? Your throat? Your head?
3. In your journal, or with a friend, write/talk through what it is about the ad that has hooked you. As best you can, articulate specifically what it is that you believe is missing from your life.
   • Do you want more love and romance in your life?
   • Do you want more vacation time or more time with your family?
   • Do you want to feel healthier in your body, or to lose weight?
   • Do you wish you felt more at peace with yourself?

4. Narrow it down to one word or quality. On a blank sheet of paper, write:

“My life is full of [fill in the blank] in my life, and I am ready to receive even more!”

5. Post the advertisement and your sheet of paper side by side somewhere in your living space where you will see them every day. You can add ongoing notes on your blank sheet of paper about all the ways in which your life is already filled with the element you felt was missing.