Today is a sunny Saturday: the perfect day to go on an adventure. But where should I go? How does one go about having an adventure?
Step one: Make a packing list. Make sure to include a notebook and pencil for noting down ideas or inspirations, but no need to bring expectations or anxieties.
Step Two: Step outside the door and look around.
Step Three: Pick a direction and go forth.
Step Four: Pay attention! Savor the sunshine.
Okay: here goes…I’ll be back.
I went for a walk, and explored Buena Vista Park and Corona Heights Park. The day was brilliantly beautiful, with warm sun, blue skies, and a gentle breeze. Then I came home. And I have to admit that, post adventure, I feel a lingering sadness. It is as if I expected something more from my adventure. At first, I tried to channel my sadness into a drawing, and I sat on the floor of my room and drew an abstract design on brown paper with chalk pastels.
And now, I still feel sad. Add to that my own judgements about myself (e.g. “you should have been writing all day! What a waste,” or “your drawing was stupid. God, and you want to be an artist!”) and you have the recipe for a crappy evening.
Here is what I have learned about emotions so far in my life. They are just emotions. They will pass. So this is what I’m going to do: I’m going to let myself be sad for however long I need to be sad. And then I’m going to move on. And in the meantime, I will do my best to let go of my judgements toward myself.