“The soul always knows what to do to heal itself. The challenge is to silence the mind.”
― Caroline Myss

Happening Now in my Coaching Practice…

Keep in mind that I am continuing to offer 1-on-1 coaching and Feng Shui sessions via Zoom. If you or someone you know is looking to craft a New Year’s Resolution that will stick and would like my coaching or consulting support, let’s talk!

A Note from Lucy

Do you remember how Superman—so powerful, so capable, and so resourceful in almost any situation—could be brought down quickly and easily by a toxic piece of ‘kryptonite’?

This month, as we head into the holidays—the most stress-free time of year, am I right, folks??—I invite you to consider what your own personal ‘kryptonite’ might be so that you can practice being with yourself in new and gentler ways.

Have you noticed any recurring patterns in your life of what sets you off, throws you into a tizzy, gets your goat, or causes you to go off the rails?

I believe that my own ‘kryptonite’ is self-judgment and shame, especially in response to another person expressing anger or dissatisfaction with me. In particular, if I think I am being criticized for being ‘out of integrity’ in some way, I can go in an instant from being a calm, cool, and collected (grown up) cucumber to feeling (and acting) like a wounded 5-year-old.

I also want to remind my readers that in the Superman story, ‘kryptonite’ comes from Superman’s home planet of ‘Krypton’, which was destroyed. It is literally a piece of his childhood home, which was destroyed. When we have a recurring, out-sized reaction to a certain kind of situation, it generally points to unresolved parts of early experiences that we had and/or painful beliefs we formed about the world as a result of those experiences.

Tools for working with your own personal kryptonite:

1. Notice when it’s happening. There is usually some kind of discomfort or sensation in the body when one is faced with one’s ‘kryptonite’: do you feel suddenly hot? Cold? Tingly? Distracted and spacy? Do you suddenly feel an urgent need to leave the room or building and be anywhere but here? Do you have the urge to punch someone in the face?
2. As best you can, avoid getting defensive or speaking/acting from this activated and stressed out space. (Read: don’t punch anyone in the face.) If you need to, take a walk around the block or splash some cold water on your face.
3. As soon as you are able, make time and space to be by yourself for a few minutes. As you notice and stay present with your body and your physiological sensations (deep breaths can help with this) take note of the story you are telling yourself. For example, “I feel tension in my gut and it’s because so-and-so told me x,y, or z, and I think it was rude. I think he/she was insulting me.”
4. Next, as best you can, generalize the story you are telling yourself about the ‘kryptonite’, the event that triggered you: for example, “I think I’m being judged” or “I feel guilty and stressed because I think I did something wrong.” Getting conscious about your personal ‘kryptonite’ can take some of the poison out of triggering events and can help you catch your reactivity sooner.
5. As best you can, continue to breathe deeply and see if you can take out the story. As you replay the scene in your mind, stay with the physiological sensations and breathe through them. Think of a time when another person stayed present for you when you were in a moment of distress, someone didn’t try to correct or fix the strong emotions you were having, but rather just stayed present with you while you had your emotional reaction. Can you channel that calm person’s presence and be with yourself in a similar way? Remind yourself that you are a human being who has wounds and you are allowed to experience your full range of emotions.

In the past, I have judged myself and others for my/their reactions, because they just seemed so unreasonable. I encourage you to drop the judgment. Our emotional reactions are what they are—being honest about them and working with our nervous systems to shift and metabolize stuck energy is the only way I have found to move through old patterns of emotional drama and get to a new space of healing and possibility. As soon as I recognize that my reactions are mine, I have more power to shift and change them.

Good luck, friends! I hope you have a holiday filled with genuine connection (in whatever form), lots of laughter, love, and hopefully pie.